She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
God I need to hump something, right now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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