i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
