im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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