how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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