My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
