I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
