just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I pour the whiskey from now on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
