why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
