I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
