She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize