Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
