If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
