I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
