Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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