when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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