You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
