there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
