I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
