She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
