Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
