He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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