well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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