also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
