please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
