What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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