Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
