Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Two words: blizzard sex
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
