Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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