I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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