I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
