I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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