You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize