just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
