the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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