i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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