Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
