I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
