I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
