The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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