Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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