You work out of a Hotel?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
