My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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