My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
