Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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