Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
