we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
