it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You're like the curious george of whores
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Alive.
So much puke
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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