How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Everything about him screamed your future.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We are all done wearing pants today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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