we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
