it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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