I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
