i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
