rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
