i used baking grease as lip gloss
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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