Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dignity is for republicans.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
