All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize