Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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