Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
