I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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