I just gift wrapped bread.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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