hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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