So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
