I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
