So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
