i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
