so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have fence marks all over my body
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
