Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize