i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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