if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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