lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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