You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
