I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
