Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
