he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize