forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
