She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Less talking, more tequila
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
