You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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