I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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