he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
