she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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