grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
